Ask Bayley

Q. Why are there oven mitts on my gynecologist’s exam tables? Very worried in MI

A. A very good question, and one that I must admit I've pondered more than once. I am always a bit offput myself by the seasonal mitts. I would think that after spending several thousand dollars on buying the examination table, the Dr would throw in a few extra dollars for covers of some sort for the stirrups, rather than resorting to the five and dime to look for oven mitts but then what do I know? If they're going to go the shopping route a nice pair of evening gloves would make it seem a bit nicer don’t you think?

Ask Bayley

Q.  Why do we need passwords for everything - ATM machines, our own home computers, even voice mail on our own personal cell phones when we routinely get notification that some third party has hacked its way in to this institution or that and our personal information is at risk. In other words, what good are passwords when the security risk is outside of our realm of control? Very confused in CA

A. I think, Confused, it is because there are people who have a say in these types of things who are certain that remembering all these passwords improves our chances of staying mentally alert, that we might become at risk of becoming mentally stagnant if we didn't have to make up all these ridiculous combinations of our dog's name plus numbers added on that mean absolutely nothing but that are imperative on some but by no means all sites.

That it is a waste of time, frustrating and serves no purpose to insure the security of our information should certainly be no deterrent to the institutions demanding that we use such passwords. Why? I'm not sure.

Ask Bayley

Q. Why is everything packaged in hard to open plastic that is impossible to open? Bleeding in MO

A. Mainly because in the past there just hasn’t been that much need for kryptonite so the industry was elated that it could be used to encase everything from Barbies to hearing aid batteries.

That this maims and frustrates the consumer is no reason to discontinue this practice. Besides, what would a birthday party be like without the children waiting for their toy to be finally freed from its plastic confines, while watching daddy and mommy bleed, curse and turn purple?

Ask Bayley

Q. Why aren’t the bathroom stalls in airports large enough to accommodate both a human being and one roll on suitcase? Stuck in the Stall in NJ

A. I suspect it’s to get us used to the small cramped space we purchased for $500 that we will soon be strapped into.

Ask Bayley

Q.  Do I need to be available 24 hours a day by some electronic means or other? It seems like everybody else is.  Uncertain in WY

A.   I would say that unless you are expecting a heart transplant or are a member of the Secret Service, probably not. The fact that these people look like idiots walking around with rectangles stuck to the sides of their heads are a tip off that they are not people you would want to emulate.

We have begun to think that if for one instant we aren't available to share our vast knowledge or be ready to answer the burning questions of the Universe, the world as we know it will end. Or - have we all just grown panicked at the thought of sitting quietly, alone, with one's thoughts - if we had any.